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Chapter 3
OBSTACLES

...This way you will find success. Still, there are various obstacles many men and women face. Take a look at the five relationship types I have listed below and identify those which you find to be obstacles.

Wayside relationships: These relationships seem to offer quick fixes. Primarily, in a wayside relationship, a person will tell you what you want to hear, only for the purpose of asking you out or for the sole purpose of getting what he or she wants from you...

Stony relationships: These relationships are very difficult. They feel as if you are planting seeds on a rocky hill. Deep down, we all know that these seeds could never take root. These are the kinds of relationships where you find yourself trying and trying to make it work, again and again, always to no avail. Not only are these unhealthy relationships, they may do more damage than good…… If you keep pushing and persisting in this type of relationship, what do you think can happen? Do you honestly believe that this kind of relationship will ever deliver a happy ending?...

Thorny relationships: If you put thorns on your head, what effect would they have on you? When you are in a thorny relationship, it feels like you are in constant emotional pain. This kind of relationship will leave you feeling unhappy and insecure…..

An experience like this can leave you bitter and discouraged. Discouragement will push you to give up on happiness and success. Worse, the experience may cause you to….. The danger here is that when the right person does walk into your life, you may end up driving the person away with negativity due to your bad experience in the past. Avoid thorny relationships, as they will only provide you with continuous sadness and frustration.

Interracial relationships: There is no guarantee that people will find their appropriate partner within their own race, so please leave your options open...

Fertile relationships: Think of these relationships as fertile soil. Farmers plant their seeds in fertile soil because they know the seeds will take root, grow, and produce bountiful fruit. If the soil is fertile, the farmer will only have to work the soil occasionally. Soulmate relationships have good, strong roots in fertile grounds. Thus, they are safe and secure. Your soulmate was created with you in mind. The highest happiness anyone can achieve in a relationship or marriage is to be with his or her soulmate. In this matter, there is absolutely no debate. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. Polls conducted in 2003 found that 80% of people believe they have soulmates—while the same 80% confess that they would be unable to identify their soulmates if they were standing in front of them. Why would 80% of men and women believe their soulmates are out there in the world somewhere if in truth soulmates did not exist? Soulmate relationships and marriages have been researched and found to be vastly superior in helping couples find peace,... etc. For strategies to help you recognize your soulmate, see chapters 6 and 7.

Abhor-tolerate-accept cycle: If you do not go about your love life the right way, you risk falling into what I call the abhor-tolerate-accept cycle. Let’s say, for example, the fear of being alone has overridden your intuition and driven you into the hands of a verbally abusive mate. At first you might abhor the idea of being with such a mate, but if you hang around long enough, you will eventually tolerate the abuse. Then you will become so comfortable with the abuse that you will accept it and even go so far as to defend the person who is hurting you day in and day out. You must beware of your thoughts, actions, and choices, so you do not find yourself in a relationship or marriage that you at first considered to be abhorrent, then tolerated, and finally ended up accepting.

My advice is that if you find something abhorrent, don’t assume that things will work out right for you if you try it anyway. If you do, you might lead yourself to accept what you would rather not do in order to meet men or women, and then find that what you did has become part of your thoughts and a comfort zone for you... Don’t let loneliness push you into a relationship that you know is not going to work... Remember, all the wrong choices you make in your love life first come as thoughts... A wrong choice in a relationship or marriage that will have a very devastating end is abhorrent.

Let me share with you a true story about a woman I will call Carol. She is a 30-year-old divorced woman who has two children and receives no child support from her ex-husband. She informed me that prior to her marriage, she had a feeling she shouldn’t marry the man, but she loved him so much that she became blinded. Now, the end result is juggling work, picking up her two children from school, facing financial difficulties, and so forth. Would she have avoided what she is now going through if she went about her marriage the right way? My premarital advice is that if you let denial get in the way, it will be you who will pay the price, so please go about selecting the right man or woman in the right way.

Use these three words – abhor, tolerate, accept – in a way that will help you achieve success in relationships whether you are dating or trying to deal with a breakup. If you use these words wisely, you will begin to find your personal and love life improving.

Here are the two kinds of obstacles most people face in finding a relationship.

1. The first obstacles are things that we have the power to remove if we wish to identify our soulmate or find a meaningful relationship.

2. The second obstacles are those that others put in our path, and we must learn to overcome them if we are going to identify our soulmate.

Let us look at the first kind of obstacles...

Here is another example. Sandy is a petite Asian woman who came to see me many years back. She was fascinated with white men and went as far as selecting the man of her dreams. The man was very athletic, nice-looking, and blond. For about two years, Shaun was all Sandy could think about. When she came to see me, I had a choice: to approve of her wishes or to be honest with her. I was honest, and when she refused to listen to reason, I said, “Sandy, you say you like blonds, especially Shaun. He is white and you are Chinese. He has all the physical attributes you want, and you don’t understand why he does not want to go out with you. Has it ever occurred to you that, yes, he has what you want, but you don’t have what he wants? If he told you that he wants a tall white woman, would you be offended and maybe accuse him of being self-centred?” To make a long story short, Sandy eventually ended up marrying a Chinese man, and Shaun married a white woman. Please don’t become your own prisoner by creating stumbling blocks that may prevent you from finding true love. If you analyze Sandy’s story, you will realize that she created her own obstacles to finding her soulmate by creating the man she wanted. When she did meet him, she did not have what the man wanted. Look at the amount of time she wasted hoping to have a relationship with Shaun.

Of all the obstacles you may face, the ones that will most keep you from finding true love are excuses and denial... Don’t let denial prevent you from finding true love. I can promise that if you acknowledge your shortcomings, there is a strong chance that you will make a change for the better, just as Carol did.

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