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Chapter 4
LOVE

Oh yes, love. Love is very beautiful, is it not? It is powerful and the driving force of our very existence. I like to think of the sun as love. When the sun rises, it gives its light to all, black or white, yellow or brown, poor or rich. I would like to open this chapter with what I consider to be one of the most humbling love stories I have ever heard.

In 1990, I was in Asia for two years. While in Asia, I met a tall young man from New Mexico and spent a considerable amount of time with him. One day, this 19-year-old man told us that in high school he was part of the basketball team. His coach was constantly correcting him and advising him to play the game a certain way if he wanted the chance to play. The young man said he was very irritated and felt the coach was picking on him in comparison to the other players on the team. Still, he continued to do what the coach required of him and began to notice his game improving. The young man had a revelation. He realized that the coach genuinely cared about him enough to help him improve his basketball playing skills.

Correcting and advising others to help them to improve is one of the greatest ways we can show our love for them. A person who corrects you out of love has your best interest at heart. In the case of the young man I just described, it was his humility and willingness to listen to his coach that helped him become a better basketball player in high school.

Do you remember learning to ride a bike when you were a child? Did you succeed the first time you tried? Probably not, but you kept trying until you did learn to ride. After you learned how, it became very easy, as if it were second nature. How about when you got your first car? When you first sat down in your car, you likely found the seating less than comfortable. Did you adjust the seat to suit your level of comfort? Did you adjust the rear-view mirror? Or did you decide that your first car was not the car for you because it was not adjusted properly the first time you sat in it? Did you get out of the car and walk away from it in hopes of finding another car that was better adjusted – just the way you liked it? Of course you didn’t. You made adjustments to the car to suit your needs, right?

Finding a meaningful relationship or communicating effectively with your loved one is no different.

If you want to be loved and cherished by a good man or woman, you need to do your part by investing the appropriate amount of time into finding a person who will love and cherish you. If you settle for a relationship or marriage that you would rather not have, how can you expect to be happy?

Remember our young basketball player? It was his humility and willingness to listen to and apply the advice his coach gave him that brought him success. Likewise, if you follow the advice in my manual, you too will find success in your love live.
I would like to reiterate that the essence of love is having a person’s best interest at heart. Telling someone what he or she wants to hear is not only dishonest, but it also goes against the best interest of the person you care about. Love is about caring and being honest and true to people. If I didn’t care about you, I would not have written this manual. For the success of your current and future relationships, and your overall and long-term happiness, I honestly hope that you understand and apply the information I am sharing with you.

Actions That Demonstrate Love

1. To love is to care for another person without expecting anything in return.

2. People who understand love know how to love.

3. A person who loves you will give you love without making judgments about you.

The Fruits of Love
The true fruits of love are understanding, kindness, compassion, humility, forgiveness, truth, honesty, respect, etc. Love is the very foundation of human existence.

Breakup Recovery
Relationship breakups are where life gets complicated. First, be grateful even for the breakups. Why? When you want to be with someone who does not want anything more to do with you, this can be considered love. So, you ask, how can it be love when a woman or man walks away from you? When men or women date you and then forget about you, you become available to others. The fact that the person has left you shows love because the person is not wasting your time and leading you on. I am not saying people should take advantage of others, leave them, and say they left because they love the person. What I mean is that if you are in a relationship and it does not work, be thankful. At least now you can focus on finding the right companion instead of working hard to get the person back. Remember Rio’s story? What happened to her when she tried to reclaim her ex-boyfriend?

The next approach to recovering from a breakup is to try not to be bitter. Bitterness will just make you more upset and frustrated, which, as you know, can take a toll on you. Viewing the breakup as newfound freedom relieves you of stress and anger. The person is gone to find what he or she is looking for. Now you can focus on finding your true love.

You can also show your love to those who walk out on you by not trying to regain them. This allows them to pursue whatever they are looking for, so please don’t stand in the way. To illustrate my point, in the past I met a Russian woman called Elena. During the brief period of our friendship, Elena told me about the very first time a man she was dating showed his love for her. She had a boyfriend whom she eventually realized she did not love, but he was in love with her. One day she decided to be honest with herself and her boyfriend. She told her boyfriend that she was not in love with him and wished to end their romantic relationship. The man understood and agreed to honour Elena’s wishes, not because he wanted to, but because the woman he had thought was in love with him wasn’t. The man proceeded to tell her he was not happy about their breakup, but if breaking up was what she wished, he would accept it, and he hoped she would find a man she could fall in love with. When Elena told me about this experience, she went on to say that it was the first time she realized that the man loved her. I am not saying, by any means, that people should break off their relationships. I am simply using my friend Elena’s example to show another way to love. By not trying to hang on to her simply on the basis of how he felt for her, Elena’s boyfriend showed that he cared for her and loved her by agreeing with her wishes to end their relationship. In this way, they could both move on to find their appropriate soulmates. Elena was willing to hurt her man not for the sake of hurting him, but because it was the right thing to do for both of them.

Breakups are painful but can be the best thing. If two people...

How Men and Women Communicate
There are many ways a man can communicate his love to a woman and earn her respect. The methods discussed here are based on my own experiences, along with those of the people who have come to me for relationship advice.

That is just one of the differences in the way men and women communicate their feelings. Women typically express love through words. Women often tell their men they love them with ease because they are advanced thinkers, especially when it comes to love and relationships. When a woman meets a man who feels the same love for her, she begins thinking about being romantic with him, sharing his life, marrying him, having his children...and what hair colour the children will have. Women are extremely complex in many ways, and that is what makes them so fascinating.

The story gets even more interesting. In the few times this woman had visited the guy when they were “just friends,” she made sure she sat away from him so as not to give the impression she was interested in him. The day she invited herself to visit the man, she sat on the sofa resting on her right elbow in a sexually enticing pose. Would you consider such a pose to be enticement based on all the information in this story? I am sharing this particular story with you to advise you that whenever someone offends you, instead of harbouring ill feelings, do something nice for the person who hurt you. You will witness how quickly your anger will turn to happiness.
This example shows that you can indeed command love. You can treat a person in such a way that the person will love you and want to be with you more than you want to be with her or him. I promise you wonders if you learn to love and forgive. The power of forgiveness is something that no human can truly comprehend

The danger in offending people is demonstrated by the previous story. Because the woman felt guilty and began to seek out the man she had insulted, she put herself in a position where the guy could have taken advantage of her. She had always been firm about protecting her virginity, something that meant so much to her. He could have pretended to like her, slept with her, and then dumped her as a form of revenge. Too many men and women become bitter over small issues that quickly make them enemies. Remember……..

LOVE: What is your understanding of love?

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